The first lesson you learned in principle, which can be considered the foundation of our relationship with the child - unaccountable, its unconditional acceptance. We talked about how important it is constantly inform the child that it is important and we need that its existence is for us - joy.

Immediately the question arises-objection: easy to follow that advice in the quiet moments, or if all goes well. And if the child does «not something», not heard, annoying? How to be in these cases?

What if a child does «not something»?

We will answer this question in parts. In this lesson explain situations in which your child is something busy to do something, but do you think, «wrong», badly, with errors.

Imagine the picture: baby play dedicated to the mosaic. So he’s not all as expected: puzzle spill, mixed, did not immediately inserted, and the flower is produced «no such». You want to intervene, teach, show. So you can not stand: «Wait - you say - must be wrong, but so». But the child discontentedly responds: «There is no need, I myself».

Another example. Second class wrote a letter to Grandma. You look him over his shoulder. Letter moving, so are just sloppy handwriting, and a lot of mistakes: all these famous children’s «mor», «sentienc»… How did not notice and do not correct? But the child after comments upset, sour, does not want to write more.

One mother noticed quite an adult son: «Oh, how you get awkwardly, you would first learned …». It was the birthday of his son, and he was in high spirits excitedly danced with everyone - as a skill. After these words he sat on a chair and black sit the remainder of the evening, the mother is hurt to his offense. Birthday was spoiled.

Generally, different children respond differently to parental «wrong»: one feel sad and lost the other offend, third rebellion: «Every bad, I will not at all!». As if the reaction is different, but they all show that children are not for liking such treatment. Why?

To better understand this, let us remember their children.

How long we did not get themselves to write the letter, a tidy floor or deftly hammer in nail? Now these cases, we seem simple. So, when we show and imposes this «simple» child, which is actually difficult to do something unfair. The child has the right to take offense at us!

Let’s look at year-child who is learning to walk. Here it is unhook your fingers and make the first steps irresolutely. Every step is difficult holds the balance, weave, the stress moves hands. But he is pleased and proud! Few of the parents who have the lecture: «Is it so go? See how to! ». Or: «Well, what do you all shake? How many times I told you not to wave hands! Well-ka go again, and that everything was correct? ».

Comical? It is ironic? But it’s ridiculous to the psychological point of view, any criticism addressed to the person (whether child, adult) who learns to do anything yourself!

The problem of errors.

Foresee the question as to teach the same, if not indicate a mistake?

Yes, knowledge of errors is useful and often necessary, but indicated they should be especially careful with. First, do not overlook each error, and second, the mistake is better discussed later, in a calm atmosphere, rather than when the child is fascinated by the case; Finally, the comments always have to do against a backdrop of general approval. And in this art we should learn from the children themselves. Ask yourself: You know sometimes the child on their mistakes? Agree, often knows - as well as feeling shaky year old baby steps. And he refers to these errors? It appears more tolerant than adults. Why? And he has already satisfied that he has something out, because he had «a», albeit unsteadily. Besides, he guess: tomorrow will turn out better! We, the parents want the comments rather do better. And often get quite the contrary.

As a father of a nine-year boy confessed: «I am so meticulously belong to the son of mistakes that break off he has any hunting to learn something new. Once we have with him fond of assembling models. Now he makes them himself, and doing well. However, stuck to them: all models so the model. But any new case for nothing does not want to start. She says can not, do not get - and feel that because I have not attack ».

I hope now you are ready to adopt a rule, which is guided in situations where the child is something that busy themselves. Let’s call it Rule 1.

Not to intervene in the case, employing a child if he is not asking for help.

By non-interference, you will report to him: «Are you all right! You, of course, right! ».

FOUR RESULT

Your child learns something. The balance will consist of several private results. Let’s call the four of them.

The first, most obvious - this knowledge, which he receives or the ability to absorb it.

The second result is less obvious: the training of general ability to learn, that is to teach himself.

The third outcome - an emotional trace of lesson: satisfaction or dissatisfaction, confidence or uncertainty in their forces.

Finally, the fourth result - next to your relationship with him, if you have participated in the classroom. This result may also be either positive (left happy with each other) or negative (added moneybox mutual grievances).

Remember, parents wait danger focus only on the first result (learned? Learned?). Do not forget about the other three. They are much more important!

So if your child is building blocks of a strange «Palace», cling the dog, like lizards, writes sloppy handwriting or not folding talks about the film, but passionate about or focus - not a criticism, did not correct him. And if you have and show sincere interest in his case, it will feel as increase mutual respect and acceptance of each other, both necessary and you and him.