“I know that kids can not be beat and corporal punishment is not the case. Yes, I because of his finger and did not touch. You know what I am doing? He is afraid of the dark, afraid because I have bolt in the basement, turn off the lights and leave it there. Look would you have what it then becomes a silk! “is the story of his father, which led to a survey of six boys with severe neurosis.

“Do not you believe him. I see him completely, sham. On purpose - slowly unfasten the belt, it has yet to touch, as he had already beeps, calling my mother to be protected“, so said another father, afflicted poor achievers son.

“I have a principle: do not talk until the son reaches perfection. And it will never reach. Easy I make sure that he had a sense of responsibility - and it is not!” - Such a statement is beginning his third long story a father, very anxious behavior son. It is a terrible slouch, liar, Hush up bad marks, no punishment is not helping.

We quoted saying three fathers, but it does not mean that mistakes and excesses in education - an inheritance only fathers. Atrocities such as what comes out of the first examples of misunderstanding, as evidenced by the second example, ridiculous principles on whom based education in the third case, all this in abundance, unfortunately, and the mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and uncles other educators.

Reflect deeper on the third occasion. It is not uncommon, and I truly believe that many parents will know themselves. Already this is enough for a careful review.

The father contends that the punishment does not help, and he came advice, if there is such a penalty, which affects the son. From the mother and the boy, we learned that the father really never comes their principles. No approval and praise. My father believed that the boy “is obliged all know how” and had nothing to expect from a father to help and advice. Father pedantically oversees the execution of homework and assignments, which he gives himself; trouble if it detects an error. The boy avoided this control as soon as possible. In doing so, he starts lessons, school assessment deteriorating. Accordingly, increased demands father, the father of all severely violent in their control and now is ready to launch a family disaster. While there is no doubt that the good intentions of the father, a boy, he cherishes and would like to raise it as best possible.

What it says psychologist?

To begin, ask what such punishment. At the head immediately go recollection of their childhood more clout or house arrest for negligence scratch homework, or for mischief. But, surely, to remember and friends, for whom crack was business as usual, because rained right and left, and no “home prison” could not force them to write accurate. For punishment, it does not act on the part punish, but what happens in a child punishable. The fact that he is going through this. In terms of psychology it is well known unpleasant, press sense of shame and humiliation, which wants to eliminate as soon as possible and never again face.

The same is true with the promotion. The award is not necessarily what we think so, but that the child is perceived as encouragement. Pleasant towering satisfaction affair, which was praised dear to us humans. Pleasure of what we love and we sympathize. Of course, this feeling you want to keep longer and more often relive in the future.

So, the question how to distribute the punishment and encouragement, we do not give a precise answer, but both must fall on each child. “How much clout, and how many sweets.” The educational problem is here rather than quantity of the child to sanction and encourage. This is a deeply personal, individual business educator and a child, it focused all of their associates, and in unison. It is shaped their relationships, whether they are emotionally close to each other! To punishment has had effect, the child should go through feelings of guilt. He must realize that he had somehow violated the good relationship with their parents or other caregivers. Without that sense of punishment is only open act of violence, wanton laceration, a waste of energy. It is not education. Worse, all excited in the child’s negative emotional charge is drawn to someone who both “cold blood” punished. Tutor is a taskmaster who defaulter, but that a no fault can not see.

Teachers argue that the punishment is triple the value. First, it must correct the injury caused by bad behavior. And the child is required to remove carelessly litter, if possible, fix a broken or shattered thing. Because of their pocket money at least partially reimburse the cost caused anyone harm. Secondly, the sentence ensures that such acts do not recur. It has a deterrent, frightening sense, as we have said. But the third, and likely most important is the removal of guilt. “Fault” is a certain alienation, barrier, uncertainty in the relationship with the defaulter. The coming punishment must wash away this guilt. In doing so, to punish seen the highest element of fairness, which recognizes and accepts guilty.

It follows that if we punish a child because of his own petulance or bad mood, but also because in our anger attacks, something we feel slightly improved, but in terms of educating our behavior not only at odds with the purpose, but damages. A child with a minute of suffering, can and crying, asked for forgiveness, but its notion of justice that does not fit, and he did not feel an adequate sense of guilt, there is no relief and a lesson for the future.

What about promotion? It is as educational tool more efficiently. If the punishment only stops the bad actions, the promotion focuses on the good and perpetuates them. Under the promotion can not be understood candy, football or cycling to school success. The best reward for the child-consciousness that he brought joy to your favorite people, a gift only symbolizes it. Where the symbol becomes the principal and aircraft, where only he makes the child to behave well, “the family is something wrong.

If for any mistake a child waiting for the penalty and nothing more, the child does not learn proper behavior. In addition, he will be afraid of who punishes, seek to deceive him to escape punishment. No recriminations and punishment do not make the school more attractive for the less gifted child. But if every little success to praise and encourage him, you hope that he will work with pleasure and dedication.

Now a little about themselves. Rewards and sanctions, the main educational tool. This means that with their help we are getting some educational purpose. The purpose of punishment is thus not sink a sinner, and save and pulled! The way to do so, forgiveness!

The boy from the orphanage, comparing more extensive children’s home with poorly equipped, still preferred the poor because, he said, there “Us for bad behavior boss rebuke, a director for us to stand up.” At first glance, this behavior of professionals - teachers think unpedagogic, inconsistent and even meaningless. But in a situation, children are well feel that the case is not weakness, but rather in the attachment to them and understand what they lacked in other orphanages. In addition, boss and director were spouses and their children’s home, in today’s understanding, known as the “children’s home family-type”. And what family does not intercede for the children exactly as those two teachers at an orphanage!

Forgiveness is not a reward, and relief from stress, guilt, anticipated or already received punishment. This is indeed reconciliation. Like any release, forgiveness brings good feelings to the liberator. Only then the child will be like punishing a father or mother, and face new misconduct as a desire to improve, to make up, continue to behave well.

But there should avoid extremes. Never did not mean to forgive Hollow, inhuman, behavior. It only deepen the chasm between educator and child. But always willing to forgive all - it means to lose credibility and influence on a child. So here sobriety and understanding of the individual as a child will serve us best guide.

Father of disobedient boy (no baby care), about which we started these thoughts, we can not advise how to elect a punishment, but urged ask him to reconsider its “principles”. They have it impracticable, ineffective, and a poor boy only approved in its stubbornly resisting. These principles will ultimately bad for educators, because it denied the opportunity to have a positive impact on the boy, on the other hand, do not feel the joy and satisfaction of educators.