Mother does not help to correct anything in his past and renounce “invented” future, a future spouse did not convince the son to be more tolerant and patient. Each of them has its own hope for the future, to their mutual misfortune, resulting in one person.

In memory of many of us have probably a lot of examples from the life of friends, relatives, which described the situation had joyless end. And what can be - the standard advice about this, incidentally, is not useless, like: “go to a psychologist”, etc. But when feels absolutely right, and in sensual sphere otherwise there is no, never go for advice And you shall pursue its right to the last drop of blood.

First part here: Mother and Son

But during our discussions we once forgot about that, because of who actually flared and the whole cheese - Bohr, the son. He is what? It is clear that it is not easy, but:

It is in this situation, much depends, and it is the only one who can at least do something. While knowing the history of its development, we understand that it will do so not easy. Often he does not have the sight of decent examples of male behavior, and there is no skill responsible, independent, male attitudes towards worldly peripeteia. And much will have to do at your own risk. But we must take risks and become a man, not only to understand the whole situation. It is in this triangle that people who are less burdened with some alarming expectations, had stunted the consciousness of competition, etc. It is not hindering a solution to the feelings of each of the struggling sides, and conducive to love him.

So he and maps in hand.

But we must become a man: ..

To say this is restricted to one appeal and to reach out to be a manifestation of irresponsible mental attitude. Besides, described the situation - frequently in practice with family issues, and there are approaches to the problem, which is very effective and do not suffer unnecessary academic “characteristic of many areas of family therapy.

I want to mention one coming out of the past, the method of family psychotherapy, better known in professional circles as “Family placement on the Hollinger.”

I am not familiar with the official version of history, but known to legend, on which Bert Hollinger, the Austrian psychotherapist, psychoanalyst quite a long time remained, as a Catholic missionary in South Africa where introduced some principles and work with the family, seeing how such problems Ancestral dealt with in an environment of ancient African tribes.

We can not describe the substance of the work in this article, Hollinger and himself a long time not devoted to him or lines, believing that the method does not fit into speech and can not be described. The first synthesis of the principles underlying his work was done psychiatrists, family relations researcher from the University of Heidelberg Weber. He participated in his team when most Berthoud Hollinger was already 65 years old.

You can talk about any laws, techniques used in this work, but the main thing is not in them, and sometimes ending the session, even surprised that you and how you did it.

But there are a number of points which he said Hollinger, who are close to me and more concerned with the individual lead, the psychotherapist. This rejection of intentions, courage and acceptance, which could be on its own rephrased as flexible and hollow intelligence, fearlessness and openness to experience.

So, with the specific intent, we are trying to influence their reality and want it to something of his, and we may miss something very significant. The lack of courage, fear closes us the way to a meeting with the truth of life, and without the consent of a variety of parties, we will not force it to change for the better.

There is an important observation that underlies the method consists in the fact that love can exist and operate only in those borders, which it supported life. The basic quality of life - over, the movement. Credit Bert Hollinger that he noticed the order that supports it. Love - is over relations between human beings and it can exist only in the order that supports life. Violation of the order of life (and thus the family) leads to a reduction in love.

Setting almost magically reflects and shows the order that exists in the family working group member, the violations that are characteristic, and allows you to find a quick and wise decision to restore the natural flow of life and love.

It helps you find and fill the “distortions” and gaps in family structure, to all its members “good” place, “release” or adopt some of its members with love.

Even such a brief and approximate description of the family placement gives an impression that it was working just with this: “, with the relationships that we have described above.

Here is a placement N., party groups like R. situation. Setting testified that the mother took the family is not the parent position, and its position gives her feelings, which is not a sense of mother to son. It was the ball wide variety of feelings and past relationship with ex-husband, and show off the fear of the future, etc. The son apparently was not in his place. Seeing this, he was shocked opened it true. To recognize and accept it, he was at work and found his place and the actions needed to restore “proper” maternal position, and rebuild the necessary procedures within the family, he felt such a release and burst of energy, which he said was his only child.

Maternal part of the problem is rarely stated in placement for the reasons described above, but often slightly modified version of it, when the son eventually begins to be similar to the previous husband. A mother’s anxiety is formed, the son might be psychosomatic disorders. The strategic objective in this case - to rebuild place first husband in the family system. If his place is not hidden, he somehow represented in the system - the order is restored and all becomes quiet.

Someone is out of our drama to recommend this work?

Is difficult to predict in advance the success of such a thin field of love and identify those most in need of it. Each of the actors, placement that will give something that will enrich their lives together and make it a little bit, and perhaps much warmer and kinder, and that the future will look brighter.

Very often the real world almost simultaneously respond to what is happening in therapy. For example, during the Novosibirsk seminar on “reasonable way”, one of the participants in placing surprised himself came to rebuild relations with her husband, who has long lived in another city and almost no contact with her. After the placement, it comes in the room and telephone calls are distributed. Call husband. Miracle?

Yes, a miracle often accompanies this method and in the work itself, when executing the roles of family members, as if clairvoyant, suddenly beginning to speak those words and feel those same feelings that these family members. The miracle continues and after work, when family members do not know what is happening, commit such acts as if energy and feelings of the participants placement to them.

Yes, love - this miracle of human life, and when some events that offer her the way she raises resonance in all areas, and from a variety of people who are not connected by any means, without seeing or hearing each other.